Turn Back Now
by Baby Blues
Summary: My very first fic so be kind. While Angel is brooding, a stranger that eerily reminds him of himself shows him the light towards his savior . . . Buffy.


Title : Turn Back Now  
Author : Carpe Diem  
E- mail : purely_blissful@hotmail.com  
Rated : PG-13  
Status : Complete  
Disclaimer : Characters are not mine, except for the  
stranger dude. But the story is.  
Teasers : A young man visits an insane vampire   
who's a cross from Angel and Angelus to try and   
put some sense into him.   
Notes : Buffy/Angel with Buffy/Riley,   
Buffy/Spike undertones  
No sex! But some potty words.   
BE KIND. MY VERY FIRST FIC!!  
Excerpt :  
~Angel : You're here to change that. Question is,   
why are you here lecturing a 'sulking' demon   
instead of helping your parents?  
~Stranger : Think about it.   
  
  
  
A lone warrior, neither a soldier for good nor evil, sat in the corner   
of the small nightclub, thinking of a plan to take down Wolfram & Hart as   
well as Darla and Druscilla. So far, he had conjured up a Plan A, a Plan B,   
and was working on Plan C.   
  
The club wasn't packed, which made it easier for him to think  
without all the chatter and the racket. There were people on the dance   
floor, a pretty decent band on the stage, and a few individuals who sat   
around the tables, laughing and drinking with other.   
  
His chocolate brown eyes stared off into space, staring at an  
invisible image that HE could only see. His mind was contemplating   
strategies of attack while his heart began thinking on its own about a   
certain blond Slayer that he had left back at Sunnydale.   
  
A single candlelight in the middle of the table showed off the   
tense ridges of his handsome face as his brain and heart battled it out on  
what to ponder. His heart finally won and he began to think of HER as his   
head took a break from its thoughts on the plot of his future plans.   
  
Buffy. The one and only peculiar name that melted his ice-cold heart.   
He smiled. She always had the tendency to do that to him, whether or not she  
was by his side or not. She was the only person he could think of that brought   
out his soul whenever the demon began to take over him at full force. She was  
the only thing that kept him at least a little sane in his goal to destroy   
Wolfram & Heart and two of the most powerful demons on earth.   
  
The vampire was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't even notice  
the young man that took the empty seat across from him. The boy's voice   
brought the 250 year old vampire crashing back down into reality.   
  
"She is the light of the night. The dawn of the darkness," the boy   
commented.   
  
The demon with a soul looked up sharply and frowned, ignoring the  
fact that the young man seemed so familiar to him. The adolescent didn't   
look older than 20, maybe 16 or 17.   
  
With the boy's dark brown hair, spiked up with gel, green eyes with   
a touch of brown, facial features that made him feel as though he was looking   
at himself, made the vampire shiver. Maybe he was being paranoid or just lost   
in his thoughts of Buffy, but the boy reminded him so much of himself and his   
love.   
  
"What do you want, kid?" Angel asked gruffly, giving the stranger the   
coldest look he could give.   
  
The young man didn't even wince, he just smiled and sat back in his   
chair, relaxing as he looked around the club. "It's not what I want, it's the matter   
of what YOU want."  
  
The young teenager wasn't making any sense. "Are you high on   
something?" Angel asked, not bothering to ease his glare, even though his   
un-beating heart told him otherwise.   
  
The lad chuckled and looked at Angel. "You're wasting your time as   
well as hers," the foreigner stated.  
  
Angel snorted and let out a cold laugh. "I don't know what you're talking   
about," he said and took a drink of his water, "But if I were you, I'd get up and leave   
before I break your neck."  
  
"Did I strike a nerve?" The boy smiled.   
  
Angel leaned on the table and gazed into the boy's eyes, but the young man  
didn't flinch, he wasn't at all intimidated by the vampire. "Get lost," Angel demanded   
angrily.   
The boy sighed and shook his head. "No can do. I came here on a mission."  
  
Angel sat back in his seat. "What mission?"   
  
"To get YOU and the woman you're hopelessly in love with together," the boy   
simply declared.   
  
Angel laughed callously. "And how the hell will you do that?"  
  
"To tell you that you're slowly killing her," the stranger answered through   
clenched teeth, getting irritated by Angel's cold stance towards the Slayer. The vampire   
noticed the young man's right hand that sat on the table. It was clasped tightly into a   
fist, his knuckles turning into a deathly shade of white.   
  
Angel scowled. "What's it to you?"   
  
The boy, who kept his anger in control, looked up to meet Angel's brown   
eyes, and finally relaxed his fists. He took a breath and spoke, "You're gradually   
destroying the one woman I idolize and love. The one woman who told me I was  
her life next to you." he said. And not able to control his feelings anymore, he   
continued, "She doesn't even care that she's slowly crumbling because she doesn't   
have YOU anymore. She thinks that without you by her side, all is lost."   
  
Angel looked away, feeling guilty and infuriated at himself, as well as the  
young man for bringing it up. He didn't know how his unwanted company knew   
all this, but at that moment, the vampire didn't even take notice. Angel was too   
busy listening to the stranger's wise words that were all true.   
  
"She tried the normal thing once, being with Riley, putting up this facade   
that she's happy and had moved on with life for her friends and family, but inside,   
she's slowly dying, and you know who's fault is that? It's yours, and yours alone."  
  
"Get out of here, kid, and leave me alone. I don't have time for this   
nonsense," Angel stated, not bothering to look into the boy's eyes. My fault,   
he thought silently, fighting back the urge to scream and run into the night to   
find Buffy and tell her everything would be alright. To hold her in his arms and   
stroke her hair like he used to.  
  
"She's afraid," the boy said, ignoring Angel's demand for him to leave,   
"Afraid that she's destined to be alone until she dies, and in her mind, death isn't   
far away, she thinks that death will be upon her soon, to finally meet her face to   
face. But she's still fighting, she will always fight . . . because she's a fighter. But   
the fact that she believes that there's no one out there to love her or for her to love   
back. . . believes YOU don't love her . . . is making her realize that she should   
welcome death with open arms."  
  
That hit home. I love her. I love her so much. She can't think that, he told  
himself. Angel glared at him. "She can't die. She has her friends, her family, she's  
too strong to die."  
  
"As I said before, she needs YOU. Without you, she's not strong enough,   
she won't be able to survive the pain of having you not there by her side. She loves   
YOU, you're her life, the only person who brings joy and bliss into her dangerous   
world of evil. In your arms, she finds home, she finds comfort and safety. Safety of   
being loved and protected by you. You're the only one who made sense in her life   
full of complications. Without you, she's not safe, she'll die, not because of the   
demons she constantly fight at night, but from the pain without the love of her life.   
You were everything to her and you still are."  
  
"She has Riley now," Angel spat out angrily. Riley, the name I despise   
the most, he thought.  
  
The boy smirked. "Correction. She HAD him, 'had' being the operative   
word here."  
  
Angel looked up, his face calming. The young man took this as a sign   
that the demon was curious to know. "It seems as though Mr. Commando Fish   
Boy was screwing the local female vampires and paying them to drink from him,"  
the young man chuckled, "GI Joe thought that since you were a vampire, he   
wanted to be one too."  
  
Angel looked up and saw that the lad was smiling, clearly amused   
at what the Finn guy did. "Why's that?"  
  
The young man looked at him. "Because the Slayer gave you her all.   
She gave you her heart, her body, her soul, her blood, her devotion, and he   
wanted the same thing from her."  
  
"Didn't he receive that?" I hope not. Please. Don't tell me she gave him   
her all. Please , he mutely fought.   
  
The boy shook his head sadly and sighed. "Nope, he had her body, a   
part of her heart, but nothing else. He thought that if he was made into a vampire   
like you, then she'd give him everything."   
  
"Did he get turned?" Angel found himself asking. He really wanted to   
know what happened so he can kill the Army guy and make him pay for stealing   
Buffy and breaking her heart. He had other reasons but he didn't want to get into that.  
  
"Agent Farm Boy was a little scared so he didn't let the vampires go all   
the way. It was like a high for him. His close encounters with death made him feel   
close to everything the Slayer had to offer." The boy smirked. "A vampire led the   
Slayer to a building one night. That's where she found the all mighty Mr. Finn get   
bitten by a vampire who he obviously fucked." He frowned, "She saw pain cross over   
his features, and then it turned to pleasure. That's when she realized how sick she felt   
for being with a man who was clearly deranged in the head."  
  
"I knew there was something pricky about that guy," Angel muttered.   
  
"Well, I can't wait until I tell you about the guy who's interested in her now,"   
the young man grinned impishly.  
  
Angel grimaced. "Who?" Great. Just great. But what did you think, Angel?   
That no other guy would find her irresistible and completely wonderful just like you   
do? That you're the only one who thinks that? He asked himself quietly.   
  
"A certain creature with peroxide blond hair and an accent that shows   
where he originated from."  
Angel's eyes practically popped out of their sockets. "Spike!?" A few   
people around their table looked at him curiously, but the vampire ignored them   
and shook his head. "No, Buffy wouldn't fall for him. He's tried to kill her more than   
once," he said, convincing himself more than his unwelcome visitor.   
  
The boy laughed. "And YOU had never tried to kill her too?"   
  
Angel glared at the him. "He has no soul," he bit angrily.   
  
The lad shrugged. "He can't harm her and he wont either. It shows that   
vampires without souls can care and love."  
  
"She won't go for him. He can't give her anything. That's why I left her, I   
wanted her to find someone who can offer her what I can't," Angel said.   
  
"And the British vampire CAN give her the things you couldn't possibly   
give her, or deprived of giving her," the young man challenged.  
  
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Angel growled.   
  
"The blond can admit his feelings for her, his feelings grew from his utter   
hate for her to his sudden love for her. He can be there for her when she needs him,   
physically and emotionaly. He even embraced her once when she sat in the front of   
her porch crying. He can protect her and fight with her. And not to mention the fact   
that he can make love to her as much as he desires."  
  
"He can't take her out into the sun, he can't love her," the vampire dared   
back, trying to erase the pictures of Buffy and Spike together in his head. Stop it!   
Ehh . . . images deleted, he silently focused out of the morbid illustration that   
swam through his mind like a school of fishes.   
  
"Is that what you think she really wants?"   
  
"It doesn't matter what I think," the cursed demon said, catching onto what  
the boy was trying to do. Make him admit the things he had denied her and himself.   
The boy wanted to confess his utter lover and devotion to Buffy, pushing him to go   
back to her. But I can't. I can never go back to her. It's unsafe. Too dangerous,   
he argued with himself. "If she wants Spike then let her have Spike. I don't care."  
  
The boy quirked an eyebrow. "Don't refuse what you're really feeling. But   
either way, I can see through your lies."  
  
"Get out of here, kid," Angel growled, controlling his rage.   
  
The young man gave out a cold chuckle. "I don't get you," he remarked,   
ignoring the vampire's command for him to leave, "You push her away, yet you   
dream of being with her. You leave her, yet you don't want anyone else to be   
with her. You love her . . . yet you hurt her. It's not the matter of you being a   
vampire with a cursed soul and her being the Slayer, the Chosen One. It's the   
matter of how much YOU love her and how much SHE loves YOU. Go back to her,"   
he said, "I know that without her, YOU don't have a reason for living. I can tell you   
that much. But without you, she's as good as dead . . . and what would be YOUR   
reason for living now?"   
  
"I don't need this," Angel let out in an angry sigh, "I told you to leave   
me alone. Go bother someone who gives a rat's ass."  
  
"No," he stated simply, "You broke her and you're the only one who can   
put her back together. You're the only one who knows how to piece her together   
again. And I'm not leaving until you turn back now and go to her."  
  
"I can't!" Angel said through clenched teeth as he slammed his fist on   
the table, earning another few questioning looks from nearby tables. "She deserves   
so much better than a vampire cursed with a soul. She deserves to be out in the sun!   
To have a house with a white picket fence around it and a pool! She deserves to have   
children and a dog barking in the backyard! To have a husband who can give her his all!"  
  
The humor from the boy's face faded. His eyes suddenly showed pain and   
weariness. "You don't get it, do you?" He finally asked, but he didn't wait for the   
vampire's answer, "She doesn't want that. She just wants you. You're her everything. Her   
solace, her shelter, her protection. You're the only thing that matters to her because   
without you, she's not whole, she's not home, she's not safe."  
  
"I can't . . . "  
  
The teenager shook his head. "You can't or you won't?" He asked Angel,   
but waited for no reply as he continued his third degree on the vampire who was   
once known as a fearless demon, now a cursed soul living in Los Angeles. "You   
can't keep refusing your love for her. You can't keep forcing yourself to turn your   
back on her because you know damn well you can't carry on and forget her. It's   
strange you've lasted this long, but I'm telling you, you won't last forever no matter   
how much you keep telling yourself the opposite."  
  
Angel thought about what he said. He's right. I can't survive. Not without   
her. I want her. I need her, he admitted himself.   
  
The boy was impressively wise. His wit and energy reminded him of . . . Stop!   
Angel scolded himself, trying to rid of the blond that had plagued his mind, his heart,   
and his soul in the most enjoyable way. I can't. It can never work out. No matter   
how much I want to be with her or love her, it's too risky, he told himself.   
  
"You said you idolized her and that you were her life next to me," Angel said,   
changing the subject and recalling the boy's earlier statement.   
  
The lad smiled, but the ache was still there, written clearly in his eyes.   
"Jealous that you're not the only one in her life any longer?"  
  
Angel scowled at that comment. He accepted the Parker and Riley incidents  
and he had silently forgiven her for it, even thought she didn't know and that he had  
no right to really forgive her for anything since they weren't together anymore. But  
she was his and will always be his. That's what she promised him when he gave   
her the Claddagh ring and right after the little episode with Faith when she wanted   
to have some 'space.'   
  
Are you still my girl?  
  
Always . . .   
  
That's what she said. Those exact same words. Always. That was another   
word for eternity, forever, for all time, until the end of time, for ever and a day,   
permanently, and the list goes on.   
  
But if she was, all of a sudden, with someone else so quickly, Angel didn't   
think he would be able to handle it. Parker was a jackass who had used her and   
Angel was still waiting for the right moment to make the idiotic college student   
pay for Buffy's pain, and Riley was just an annoying Iowa bred corndog with no   
personality, and the vampire knew that he was just a mistake in Buffy's life. Or so   
he told himself . . .   
  
"Jealousy is a green eyed monster that can get you killed," Angel growled.   
  
"Jealousy only shows how much you still love her," the young man   
commented back.   
  
"I don't have time for this," Angel said, frustrated and annoyed at the boy's   
cryptic dictions, which made him agitated as to know where the teenager got it   
from. "Go annoy someone else who can put up with you, maybe your parents."  
  
A flash of grief flew across the adolescent's face and Angel mentally kicked   
himself without even realizing it.   
  
"My parents disappeared. My mother will die within a year from a demon   
and my father will follow after that."  
  
Angel's brows furrowed. "How the hell is that possible?"  
  
The youngster smiled sadly. "You live two hours away from Hellmouth.   
That's enough proof of my knowledge of when my parents will die."  
  
"You're from the future, I take it," the vampire stated.   
  
"And the $5,000 cash prize goes to the sulking demon," the boy   
feinted excitement.   
  
Angel ignored him. "You're here to change that," Angel said, knowing full   
well of the young boy's situation. "Question is, why are you here lecturing a 'sulking   
demon' instead of helping your parents?"   
  
The young man smirked and stood up. "Think about it," he said and left   
Angel to contemplate what he just said.   
  
Suddenly, it dawned on him.   
  
Like lighting, he stood up and chased after the teenager, pushing and shoving   
waiters and dancers who only glared at him in return. But Angel didn't care.   
  
If his heart was beating, it would've been pounding so hard against his chest   
that he would've feared it would jump right out and land on the palm of his hand, and   
yet he'd still be overjoyed and happy. Buffy. She'll be mine. This annoying teenager is   
mine. My child. I'm going to be a father. A husband. To Buffy. Buffy's my wife. We're   
going to have kids. We're going to have THIS kid. Who looks like me. He looks like   
me. And Buffy. He looks like me and acts like Buffy. Buffy's my wife. Holly Shit, he   
frantically thought, delight pouring into his soul, giving him new hope for the future.   
The future in which he'll be with Buffy.   
  
He felt faint. Is that even possible? He asked himself, his mind running through   
the things a vampire's body can't do. Like breath.   
  
He finally shook himself out of the reverie and caught the dark haired lad   
about to walk out the door. "Hey, kid!" The boy spun around, smiling knowingly. It   
would've bothered Angel how ignorant the boy was, but that didn't matter anymore.   
  
"Do we live in a house with a white picket fence?" Angel asked, beaming with   
utter happiness.  
  
The boy smiled. "With a pool, 2.5 children, and a Great Dane named Scooby,"   
he said with a happy sigh.   
  
Angel's smile widened and his hope raised, a far away look in his eyes. He   
went from a depressed vampire, to an angry vampire, and now, he was just a happy   
creature of the night ready to take on anything, ready to laugh, ready to be with Buffy.   
Unlife hasn't been any better, he silently thought.   
  
"See you in the future, Dad," the boy said with one final smile.   
  
And with that, the stranger, that wasn't so much of a stranger anymore,   
turned, left, and disappeared into the night.  
  
"See you in the future, son," Angel agreed quietly in the darkness. He smiled   
at the foreign words he just said. Son . . .   
  
With that, he turned back . . . turned back to her . . .   
  
~*[End]*~  
  



End file.
